I’m wondering today.  Wondering about effort.  Wondering about apathy.  About complacency.  About settling for something less.  I’m wondering.

I’m thinking of people of all stripes.  People including myself.  I’m wondering.  What?  Why?  How?

What could have happened to allow this feeling to surface?  Or maybe it’s not a feeling at all.  Yes.  That’s it!  There is no feeling.  Maybe that’s why I’m wondering.  There’s something missing – something not right.  I know what it is.  But What can I do to “fix it”?

I’m wondering.

Why does this happen?  I know it’s happened to me more than once.  I’ve seen friends fall by the wayside.  I know friends now that no longer wonder.  Although I’ve attempted to encourage them and do what I can, often I’ve been unsuccessful.  Why do I  often feel like giving up, like throwing in the towel, like settling for mediocrity.  Why would they?  Why do we allow the enemy to win?  And Why is the enemy allowed to be a part anyway?

I’m wondering.

How?  How could God love me?  How can I love myself?  How can I love God more than anything else?  And How do I lead others to do the same?  How can I even begin to understand love?  How will my efforts be measured?  How impotent I am on my own!

I’m wondering today.  I wonder if anyone else is wondering.  I wonder if I’m all alone.  I wonder if everyone else is as messed up as I am.  I’m wondering. I’m wondering if I’m making too much out of nothing.

I’m wondering if it really matters.


6 Responses to “Night”

  1. Jamie Cunningham Says:

    Mike, I’m so thankful for you! You help me look outside the box and you know I’ve not done that in the past.

    I do wonder. Why us, why now, what next. I know our Almighty God is in control of all things and He isn’t wondering, because He knows, but I think maybe (if He smiles) He has a little grin on His face because I am wondering. Stretching my thinking and knowing the answers come from Him and His word.

    Thanks for sharing your feelings

    • Jamie,
      What box? 🙂

      Wonder is always a good thing. God has blessed us with the ability to think, to wonder, to not know. And yet we know that in the midst of chaos, He is still God. Keep stretching. He is honored.

  2. What happens? We take the path of least resistance. It’s our nature to be excited and involved in the beginning but over time, as we compete in life, for life, our enthusiasm begins to wane. You might think your still running on all eight cylinders but the passion you had in the beginning gets redefined (slow fade) as days turn into years. Soon we have to have something occur to us, or to someone around us, to shock us out of the grip of our little world and bring us back to a place of hunger, humility and thankfulness.

    I don’t want to be passionately indifferent!!

    Thanks for the thoughts.

    • Kyle,
      “…path of least resistance.” Yes! Why does it take something tragic to “hit home” before we awaken? I agree with your desire to be passion. Welcome to the site!

  3. In response to this quote…….”Why do I often feel like giving up, like throwing in the towel, like settling for mediocrity. ”
    I’ve known you since we were kids and you’ve never even come close to mediocricty and I seriously doubt you’re going to achieve that if you try.

    I call those moments of wondering my “Ecclesiastes Moments”.

    I have no idea what got you started wondering, but in my opinion, the Lord brings people in to our lives, not just to help, but for growth in faith and love. I’m not here to save people. Jesus saved us all. I’m just here to be a good example and to do what God has created me to do. Sometimes, well most of the time that seems meaningless and mediicore to me. I seriously don’t see the sense of it all because I’m the odd ball of the bunch. The serious one, the one always telling someone about an abused child or a missing one. And for every single child’s story I share there are thousands I can’t share because of time restrictions or because I just don’t know about them.

    Does anyone listen? Sometimes I think NOT. Does things change? I don’t see it changing. But Abraham didn’t see all those decedents (let’s forgive my spelling today ok? lol) but look at the world today God kept his word.

    In first grade my best friend was my teacher. She may not have known I was abused, maybe she suspected it. But she helped me so much. She was my friend and mentor. She has passed away long ago. I never seen her again after second grade. But I never forgot her. I wonder if at times she wondered if it mattered, if she should stop or just become mediocre? I’m thankful she didn’t stop. There have been many times in life that a memory of her and the memories kept me going and believing.

    Others may have not known about the first 12 years of my life and not have known they too touched my life and brought a smile. Some in later life may not have known that the kindness, friendship, smile etc done a lot to start giving me some self-esteem. But they did.

    My point is this………do you remember every moment of your life? Probably not. But maybe someone remembers something you did or said. That person you think you didn’t help or fell along the way, may one day remember something kind you done for them and that will help them. We don’t know.

    As long as we love and have faith, the Lord has the rest under control.

    This is where you remember you said I could add my two cents 🙂 And remember God didn’t create you to be mediocre so you might as well keep being you.

    • Welcome Leah!

      Thanks for the thoughts. There are many things you point out that I completely agree with.

      1) What I was referring to in regards to “mediocrity” affects mankind as a whole. In other words, we’re capable of so much more. But sadly, most of us don’t care. It’s almost like settling for a “C” in school, while knowing an “A” is within reach.

      2) I really appreciate you sharing about your teacher. I think we all wonder if we really made a difference in other’s lives. And obviously, she did. Awesome!

      3) I had no idea of the challenges you’ve come through. Praise God! And now you’re using those opportunities to affect others.

      4) Maybe you misunderstood just a little. Although I struggle with doubt, wonder, and melancholy from time to time, this post was about all of us. I think all of us struggle. But few admit it or seek help. God gave us each other to live in community.

      5) You (and your thoughts) are always welcome here.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: